Nesting, or “birdnesting,” is a child-focused custody approach where kids stay in the family home full-time, while parents rotate in and out based on their custody schedules. Instead of shuffling kids between two households, the parents are the ones who move, often between the marital home and a separate residence. This method can ease the transition for children during a separation or divorce, keeping their daily life consistent.
Is “nesting” legal in Virginia?
Nesting is not something our family courts order, but it is perfectly legal if both parents agree to it. Like many custody arrangements, it falls under the umbrella of what is considered to be in the best interests of the child. If both parents are on board, they can include nesting terms in a written custody or separation agreement. However, since it hinges on ongoing cooperation, courts may revisit or modify the arrangement if it stops working for the family.
When does “nesting” work?
Nesting might be a smart move in a few situations. First, it can maintain stability. Kids can stay in familiar surroundings with their routines intact. But, it is traditionally a short-term solution. It is useful while divorce details are still being finalized.
Most couples that decide to nest do so for financial reasons. Parents may not be ready to maintain two full homes yet. Though, for it to work, both parents must be respectful at co-parenting. It works best when parents trust each other and communicate well.
Potential drawbacks
Nesting is not without its downsides. Parents must maintain at least one additional residence, which can be logistically and financially draining. Though, since each parent shares the family home, they, theoretically, could also share the second home as they would use it only when each would be using the family home. Though, boundaries can blur quickly if emotional tension lingers. Issues like shared expenses, house rules, and even groceries can become flashpoints.
Conclusion
Nesting may offer kids consistency and comfort during a time of major change. But it is only as successful as the parents’ ability to work together and plan ahead. For families who value structure and communication, it can be a gentle bridge into post-divorce life.