As someone thinking about going through the divorce process, you have probably heard misconceptions about Virginia’s no-fault divorce rules. However, understanding the divorce process is important, and you should not modify your life based on myths.
If you want to separate, you need a written separation
The reality is that this is a myth. It is false. Virginia does not require a signed agreement to start the separation, but for a “no fault” divorce, you may need a written property settlement agreement. That may be where the myth originated. Separation begins when one spouse decides to end the marriage and the couple lives apart (Section 20-91 of Virginia Code). Having a written property settlement agreement is helpful, but it is required only if you want to use the shorter six-month “no fault” divorce option.
Separation means separate housing
This is also not true. Virginia does not mandate separate residences. Spouses can live under one roof and still be considered separated as long as they lead separate lives. For example, using different bedrooms, avoiding intimacy and keeping finances separate. The key is that they stop acting as a married couple. State family law courts even recognize “in-home” separation if all the usual separation conditions are met, which is how nesting and other creative co-parenting options are available to divorcing parents in the state.
Parents have to select who will parent because co-parenting is now allowed
Of course, this is false. You can still cooperate in raising your children while separated. No state has an automatic separation policy simply because parents want to divorce. The law also does not expect parents to stop communicating about the kids. Coordinating on childcare or attending a child’s event together will not nullify your separation as long as you otherwise live apart and follow the separation criteria. Many couples even include a parenting-time plan in a separation agreement to manage custody during the separation year.
Divorcing spouses cannot be friends
This is similarly not true. Our state does not encourage contentious divorces or ghosting each other. Brief, non-romantic interactions do not automatically restart the separation clock. What matters is cohabitation and resuming life together as a couple.
Courts ask if you presented yourselves as married again (for example, regularly dining or vacationing together). Occasional necessary contact is generally fine, but attempting reconciliation will interrupt the required separation period.
What about a brief reconciliation?
This would really depend on the facts. Generally, only a true reconciliation resets the timeline. If you move back in together and fully resume married life, the clock starts over, but an isolated lapse (like one night of intimacy) is unlikely to count as reconciliation.